Kissing Plan

Emailing Carol, our agreed way of communicating, unintrusive but also intimate. Hey there beautiful, what a lovely day together, I’m still feeling the afterglow, just wondered if you’d like to meet up again, talk about it all, maybe a coffee? Or perhaps a glass of champagne and some candlelight somewhere? Any time you’re free. Rxxx.

Two hours later, her response, hey R, you don’t know what you’ve done to me, I feel released, I feel like a woman again, I came home with my son, made dinner for the family, straight away things felt different, I was just happier, and so were they, now I realize I’ve been wound up way too tight, wanting something that my husband can’t or won’t provide, now I can just live with it, now I’ve got myself a lover. I’ve got to be in Ireland for a few days, but yes, baby, yes, let’s meet up again, I need more. Cxxx.

Waiting for a while, then emailing her, hey honey, if I have to wait until you get back from Ireland, I’ll just have to tell you in an email what I was going to tell you across a candlelit dinner, you have a wonderful allure, it’s conquering me, probably a good idea to have a few days to catch my breath, in the meanwhile, I’m spending more time than I should daydreaming about you, especially about kissing you again. Rxxx

Checking for Carol’s response every hour or so. Nothing for a day. Oh dear, maybe I’ve come on too strong. Then, my inbox lighting up, email from Carol. Hey R, mmmm, sounds terrific, as I remember it you have quite a kissing repertoire, what sort of kissing are you daydreaming about, you’ll have to tell me by email, keep me going until you can do it in the flesh. Cxxx.

Also waiting a day, picking up her rhythm. Then, hey C, my lips on yours, my tongue touching yours, pulling you down on that sofa in your mother’s apartment, sitting together like adolescents, kissing your throat, my hand under your top cupping your breast, moving to your back, unhooking your bra, letting you do that girl trick of taking it off, your teeshirt still on. Kissing more, playing with your nipples, kissing them too, flicking them with my tongue. Hey C, that’s about half way through my kissing plan, the other half is strong stuff, may be best if I just do it or try it, rather than email. Rxxx.

The Difficult Bit

Sunday morning, weather bright but still windy, powering round Regent's Park on my bicycle, settling into a steady fast rhythm, perfect for thinking.

Carol, wow, what a wonderful sexual woman. A stunning receiver of sexual attention. Receiving requiring just as much skill as giving. All done with easy naturalness. And not just receiving, also giving. My cock in her mouth, taken hungrily. The giving and receiving blending into one.

Another cyclist overtaking me with some ease, never mind, I’ve got bigger things on my mind, just keep going. The day’s brightness but unsettledness, exact counterpart to my inner world, blown away by Carol.

Yesterday, making love, stroking, kissing. Getting up, getting dressed, remaking the coffee, pouring it, sipping it. Carol saying she needs to go, something about picking up her son from a school trip. This detail of her life emerging incidentally, others perhaps to follow in the future, filling out the outlines.

Now, today, in Regent's Park, the difficult bit, letting things take their own course, not forcing them. Difficult not to ring her, Hi, let’s meet up, I’m desperate to see you again, I’m addicted to your smell, your tastes, your voice, your smile. Maybe she’d like me to ring. Maybe by not ringing I miss the moment. Maybe she needs space.

Another cyclist overtaking, come on R, snap out of it. Switching to interval mode, half a lap at eighty percent, half at fifty, six laps, then make a new plan.

Well, this is how I’ve positioned myself with her, can’t just collapse now. We’re lovers, not spouses. Our lives don’t overlap, they intersect. We’re not going to break up our respective marriages, it’s too painful for all. If we got together it would just takes us back to where we started, in three years we’d be bored with each other. So if she wants me, I’m her occasional lover, if that’s not enough, shame, but at least we had yesterday.

On my bicycle, coming up to the previous overtaker, seeing him respond, dicing each other for a while. The physical exertion a balm.

Finishing up, riding home, showering, making lunch, sharing it with my wife. Chatting about the week, two friends together, harmonious, easygoing, unintense. Wonder what Carol’s doing, probably similar with her family.

Seeking the Fit

Carol nestling on my shoulder, hey R, I’m not versed in protocol here, if you’re going to enter me I guess we need a condom, I don’t suppose you thought to bring one?

Well, baby, you’ve just extracted a confession, I journeyed here in hope, let me get it. Getting up from the bed, picking up my jeans, pulling out a handkerchief, unfolding it, producing the condom packet from within.

Moving back to the bed, kissing her tummy. I’ll put it on in a minute, just first there’s something I’d really like to do first. What, baby? Just lie there, I’ll show you.

Kissing her hipbone again, then soft inner thigh. Pulling her legs gently apart. Her pussy folded in on itself. Gently teasing its lips apart. The soft rustle of juices and slight salty smell. Touching her clitoris with my tongue’s tip. Her body slightly stiff, unsure of the attention. Looking at her, relax baby. Kissing her pussy with my lips. Probing more deeply with my tongue. Her body relaxing, surrendering.

After a moment, turning away, my mouth wet with her juices, wiping it with my forearm. Lying next to her, mmmm, you taste wonderful, any time you feel like doing that, just let me know, I’ll come running. Okay, baby, that’d be lovely, but not just now, I need you inside me, get that condom on.

Doing so. Carol now rolling me on my back, mounting me, guiding me, seeking the fit, quickly finding it, her juices running deep inside. A gutteral moan from her, as if relieved from some long tension. Her breasts above my face, my mouth finding a nipple.

Carol moving rhythmically. Gradually, losing herself in an inner world. Me, suddenly on the sidelines, important only as enabler. My body synching with her motion. Her pleasure now the sole focus, my job being not to break the spell. Her rhythms becoming arrhythmic, then rhythmic again. Slight chittering moan escaping from her mouth. A drip of sweat falling from her face onto mine.

Her eyes staring into space, her face tightening. Her body curving inward. A different grinding motion in her hips. Stillness, and her body quivering. Suddenly, stopping. Her body relaxing, breath escaping. Opening her eyes, refocusing. Falling downwards, nestling against my neck. Rolling sideways, pulling me over, my cock exiting. Grabbing a cover, pulling it over us, grabbing a pillow, putting her head on it next to me.

Silence. Just the two of us and the sound of our breathing and a deep secret shared.

Yummy Scrummy

Taking Carol’s hand, leading her to the couch, but she drawing me on, taking me to a bedroom. Both of us sitting on the bed. Touching, kissing. Pushing her gently to lie down. Both of us kicking off our shoes. Kissing her forehead, lips, throat, then her nipples through her teeshirt and bra.

Pulling upwards at the teeshirt. Carol sitting slightly, pulling it over her head, reaching behind her back, unhooking her bra, throwing them both to the floor. My own teeshirt similarly removed. Lying together, our bare skins touching, getting used to semi-nakedness.

Cupping her breast in my hand, kissing its pink-brown nipple lightly, then the other one. Her body tremoring slightly. Smiling at her, hey baby, this is fun. A soft murmur from her, yes it is baby, don’t stop.

Flicking her nipple with my tongue, taking it into my mouth, sucking it into hardness. Stroking her belly, feeling her hipbone. Stroking her jeans at the thigh. Moving my face down, kissing her pubis through her jeans, undoing the steel button, pulling the jeans down, Carol lifting her hips to let them come off. Her body now naked except for panties.

Kissing her pussy lightly through the cotton. Not dwelling yet, just getting her used to me there. Moving to the hollows by her hipbone, pushing her legs gently apart, kissing her inner thighs. Stroking the concavities by her pussy, nuzzling into them with my face.

Carol stirring, pulling me toward her, reaching for the button on my jeans, hey mister, you have to get rid of some clothes too. Stripping down, now wearing nothing but my boxers. Our not-quite-nakedness, intensely intimate but also innocent, like teenagers the first time.

Carol patting the bed at her side. Lying there, looking at her face. My turn baby. Her lips tracing over my chest, belly, hipbones. A quick kiss through the boxers, then reaching in, pulling out my cock. Oh my, baby. Licking its tip. Taking it into her mouth, her tongue still playing.

Stopping, pushing at my boxers, leaving them for me to get rid of, sliding her own panties off, settling back, taking my cock in her mouth again.

Minutes passing, a very heaven. Carol stopping, pulling away, crawling up the bed, resting her head on my shoulder, her hand on my cock stroking gently. Smiling at me, yowie baby, I so needed that, evidence of your desire. Yummy scrummy, haven’t had that shape in my mouth for far too long, can hardly stop.

Schoolboy Trick

The apartment quiet and cool after the windy weather outside. Carol clinking around, turning on the kettle, getting a cafetiere ready for coffee.

A schoolboy trick, hands in my pockets, surreptitiously straightening my maleness, nursing it into hardness. Not quite dishonest, there’s no chance unless your body’s ready for it, just helping nature along.

Carol coming over, taking my arm, turning to face me. Okay R, that kiss, let’s do it. Drawing me closer, pulling my face to hers, brushing her lips against mine, a delicious citrus taste somehow emerging. Parting our lips, closing our eyes, touching our tongues.

My arm around her back, drawing her body closer, touching her against my jeans, my aroused state gently jabbing into her.

Watching her through my eyelashes. Her eyes opening, mouth parting, a soft gasp. Pulling her face slightly away, but leaving her body pressed to mine. Oh R, is that for me, wow, that’s not something I’ve felt for quite a while, hey baby.

Dancing gently together to imagined music. Twirling her around, drawing her again to me. My hand stroking her hair and neck. My body glowing at her response to my erection, her straightforward pleasure, treating it as a compliment, an offering. Her hand through the buttons of my shirt, stroking my chest. Kissing again. Her body pressing again against my jeans, looking at me, oh my, it’s still there.

Kissing more. Carol stopping, c’mon R, coffee break. Making the coffee. The kitchen sounds carrying a delicious intimacy. Man and woman, alone in a London apartment, making coffee, drinking it, enjoying one another.

Well, R, no complications, I understand, but there’s one thing, it’s been quite a few years, I thought I’d just have to do without, thought I’d got used to abstinence, now my body’s telling me I was wrong, I’m in bad need. I think you’ve just landed yourself a job, reintroducing me to this wicked exciting part of me, been dormant a bit too long.

Sipping the coffee, smiling at her. Hey, sweetheart, what a job to be offered, when do you want to get started? Carol looking at me, eyes wide, wordless. Okay, sweetheart, here’s an idea, let’s get started now.

Actions and Consequences

Carol raising her glass, tapping it against mine. toasting. Alive and uncomplicated.

Moments passing. But R, the snag is, life’s complicated. And the complications intrude. Your wife and my husband, for instance, what about them. Actions have consequences. If we’re lovers, then what are the consequences?

Watching the ducks on the little lake, pondering. Looking up at Carol, looking at me. Well, Carol, here’s a suggestion, you decide what you want to do, and look after the consequences your end. Which would not seem to be far-reaching if we can both be discreet. And I’ll look after my side. And we both promise each other that we’ll each stay clear of the other’s life, other than in the moments we share.

Picking up her hand, stroking it, trying to soften the words, also not wanting to duck the issue, she’s too precious a person to be other than straightforward.

Rising, taking our glasses to the trashcans, tossing them in. See, Carol, that’s what we need to do with the extraneous details in our lives, dispose of them responsibility. Both of us struck by the ridiculousness of the analogy, laughing together.

Strolling across the park, heading back to her apartment. Here are my assumptions, Carol. Your husband and my wife don’t meet our respective needs, for whatever reason, staleness, temperament, diverging paths, anything. But it’s too hurtful to them and others and us to uproot everything. Now that action, uprooting, would have consequences. So, we live with what we’ve got.

But Carol, that can be a prison, unless we make it otherwise. We have to find the freedom within life’s impeding structures. For magical life-enhancing moments when they suddenly arise. Like now.

Taking her hand, pulling her to me, giving her a hug. Carol smiling, hugging back.

Okay R, I need some time to think about that, sorry if I’m slower at all this than you.

Sure baby, that’s fine, no rush, no predetermined destination, me, I’m just enjoying the journey.

Moving on, chatting, watching football games and kite flying and cycling and other inconsequentialities.

Reaching Carol’s apartment, stopping. Oh Carol, one other thing, that kiss you owe me, well, I don’t want it. Carol’s face crossed with a slight frown. No, honestly, I don’t. Not if it’s given because you owe me, that is. If you kiss me when we get into that apartment, it has to be because you want to, want to quite badly actually, in fact, exactly as much as I want to be kissed by you.

Carol smiling, opening the door, letting me in.

Lovers Travel Light

Walking outside with Carol, still tingling from the kiss. Crossing the bridge, turning into Battersea Park, walking along the river to the pagoda.

Turning to look at her. She turning to face me. Both of us smiling. No words necessary.

Strolling to the boating lake. Carol putting her arm through mine, hey R, can I ask you something? Sure, and you can ask without asking first if you can ask.

Okay, R, deal. What I’m wondering is, how come you never ask me anything? Like what? Like about my life, or my husband, or whether I have children, or anything.

Hey, Carol, it’s a good question, I’ll answer in a minute, let’s get something to eat, then we can talk. And it’s information I don’t normally give out free, if you want it you’ll have to pay, the price being another kiss like that last one, which, by the way, I’m still recovering from, still feel a bit giddy.

Carol pushing at me, teasing. Okay R, done. You can have the kiss, you could have had it anyway. But not now, let’s save it until later.

Making our way to the cafe, deciding against a big meal, getting sandwiches and sparkling water. Choosing a table, settling down.

Carol, your question, why don’t I ask you anything, the reason is, I already know everything I need to know, namely, that you’re a stunning woman who to my amazing luck wants to meet up and lets me kiss her, and who it’s fun to spend time with in the spring sunshine. What more is there to know?

Pausing for a cleaner to wipe our table, move the debris. Continuing. Carol, actually, I do know some things, you’re married, doesn’t sound like the marriage meets all your needs, you seem to have enough money to get by, you’re smart. But those are details, they’re background they get in the way.

Taking her hand, stroking it. Lowering my voice. Here’s a little secret, beautiful Carol, just thought I’d mention, maybe sex will happen, maybe it won’t, hope it does, but I already think of you and me as lovers, and here’s the main point, lovers travel light. Pick up baggage, you might as well be married, eventually it suffocates you. So what I have is you, here, now, tomorrow’s another day, yesterday’s gone, who needs anything more.

Raising my plastic glass of sparkling water, tapping it into hers, so here’s a toast, Carol. To being alive and being uncomplicated.

World Empty of Sound and Time

Carol opening the door, leading me in, giving my hand a squeeze, wait here R, won’t be a minute, walking across a sitting area to rooms beyond. Sunlight reflecting off the Thames flooding through big glass doors.

Leaning on a counter, enjoying the light. Moving to the glass doors, about to open them, thinking, might trigger an alarm, to hell with it, opening them anyway. The interior silence swept aside, buffeting wind and calls of seagulls. Stepping, leaning against the railing, watching the river.

Carol slipping her arm through mine, the second time today, sorry about that, R. Looking at me. What would you like to do, take a stroll, find a place for lunch, maybe? Or do you want tea or something?

Thinking, stay here Carol and it’ll be hard not to kiss that pretty sunflecked face. Better give it time. Man’s most insoluble question, seize the day, or wait until the fruit’s ripe and ready to pluck. An instinct whispering, she wants to run this at her pace, don’t upset this delicious sexual tension.

Saying, how about taking a walk, it’s such a great day, we can maybe cross the bridge to Battersea Park, maybe come back here for tea if we feel like it later. Carol agreeing, grabbing her coat.

About to leave, Carol leading, turning round, looking at me. Hey R, can I ask you something? Sure. Um, would you mind, well, kissing me. Looking down, then up, her eyes showing unsureness, seeing me smiling at her, smiling back, looking beautiful.

Reaching out for her hand, pulling her toward me as at a dance, twirling her around, her body moving naturally to the imagined music’s rhythm. Drawing her in, lowering my face, kissing her throat. The dance stopping, both of us still. My hand behind her head, feeling its shape beneath soft hair, feeling her hand behind my neck.

Kissing, soft lips parted and tongues touching. Overwhelmed by new taste and textures, Blood heavy in my head and hands and body. The world empty of sound and time. Just Carol and me, kissing.

Drawing apart, Carol’s hand straightening her hair, readjusting to the world. Phew, R, I needed that, been wondering how to ask since before Mexico, spent lonely nights dreaming about it. Hey, let’s go on that walk, no more kissing just now, we won’t be able to stop.

Sudden Lurch In My Heart

An email from Carol, hi R, I’m back in London, shall we meet up. I’ll be staying in my mother’s apartment at the Chelsea Waterfront this weekend, why don’t we meet up say twelve o’clock Saturday by the boats, we can have lunch or something. Carol x.

Responding, great see you there, R x.

The day arriving. Getting up, looking out the window, studying the weather, a daily act of cleansing. Skies cloudy, occasional bursts of sunshine, breeze whipping into new foliage.

Shaving, clicking in a new blade. Brushing my hair, carefully. Dressing, jeans and shirt artfully selected, glancing in the mirror, changing the shirt. Conventional leather lace-up shoes, slightly scuffed, don’t want to be trying too hard. A light parka, waxed cotton, battered but still with good shape.

Standing on the waterfront, leaning against the guard rail, watching the water. The surface choppy, the occasional fleck of white foam at waves’ tips. Gulls wheeling and shrieking. The sky now mostly blue, sunshine saturating. A general air of desolation, crowds held indoors by the gusts.

A sudden pressure on my arm, hi handsome. Turning, seeing Carol. Smiles breaking out on both our faces. A sudden lurch in my heart, she’s so pretty, somehow much prettier than in my memory. Hugging her, giving her cheek a kiss. Some threshold crossed, doesn’t matter what happens now, in some crucial way, we’re lovers.

Strolling down the waterfront, chatting, trying not to smile too much. Her skin glowing, fresh from Mexico and now in London’s ripe spring. Unruly hair flicking in the breeze. Difficult not to take her hand. Restrained from doing so by not knowing who might be watching, maybe someone she knows. The restraint making the impulse stronger.

Carol stopping, looking at me. Hey R, I’ve left something in the apartment, I need to get it, I can meet you down here again, or you can come up if you want.

Walking with her to her block. Carol swiping a card, the block's outer door opening. That distinctive feel, another person’s life taking on fuller shape as you discover how they live. Up one flight of stairs, casual walk, casual talk, both of us knowing that something significant’s happening. Carol unlocking her door, inviting me in.

Amateur, Anal, Blowjob, Group

Delving through the porn videos, finding nothing erotic so far.

Contemplating the site’s logistics. Each video advertising itself with a photo, scroll over it and it flashes photos like a carousel, snippets of the action. Enough to get a sense of whether it’s what you might be after. Click on one, try it, get drawn into it or move on.

Nearly all of them, rotation through rote positions. The actors, plastic. Sufficient for po-faced critics denounce the form, a logic that would pick up a book, find it to be pulp fiction, therefore denounce literature. You want to tell them, lighten up dammit, it’s not the dross that matters it’s the good stuff. But it’s the finding of the good stuff that’s difficult.

Forty videos on a page, most recent postings first. Quick arithmetic, three hundred posted every day. And all for free. And all for me.

Down the left, filters to let you find what you want. Amateur, Anal, Blowjob, Group, so on. About fifty categories. I wonder how much they’re used. Me, I prefer not to be prescriptive, I like surfing them all, looking to be surprised.

Flicking through the pages, alighting on one, looks interesting. The photos showing a woman with spectacles, smiling at the camera, slightly shy.

Clicking the video, finding myself being drawn in. That distinctive mental click, a switch turning on, a slight breathlessness, The video showing normal people, the woman different from the usual silicone pornstar masquerading as amateur. Unsure what to do, taking directions from the more experienced among them. Excited by the presence of the camera. Slightly breathless, like me, and prone to giggling.

The woman removing her top, sliding out of jeans. The men doing similar. Clothes discarded in piles, kicked out of the camera’s vision. One man kneeling between her legs, licking her, the woman gasping. The other man taking a second camera, filming from a different angle, turning to film the first camera, turns out it’s being operated by a woman. My screen showing both films edited into a video.

The dynamic developing, all four taking turns filming the others. Their individualities developing through the action, their secret sexual urges enacted. One man unable to hold back, exploding, the woman’s face round his cock widening its eyes, smiling, pulling back, the sperm dribbling on to her cheek. The other couple laughing, clapping. The video ending. Exciting, enticing porn.