TS Elliot and Blowjobs

In my inbox, an email from Jane. Hi R, it was so good getting your email, i haven’t been able to speak to anyone for ages about this stuff, certainly not a man. actually i tried therapy but that wasn’t any help, i don’t need to uncover any childhood traumas, the problem’s right in front of me, it’s that my husband and i hardly touch each other, physically or otherwise. if it weren’t for the children i’d probably get a separation, but that’d just trade one misery for another.

Anyways, here i was feeling sorry for myself, then contacting you, then your emails, god, i feel like i’m in my teens again, well, okay, maybe not teens, i know much too much for that, but twenties, fresh and desirable and alive. i’m not even sure why, it’s not as if we’ve made love, nice thought. maybe it’s the reconnection with my past, as well as you, i’m stuck here in a place that still feels strange fifteen years on, i’m disconnected from my roots as well as my sexual self.

Last night i woke from a dream, you were in it, i lay quiet with my eyes closed clinging on to it. do you remember that weekend we went away, in the Cotswolds, not far from college but seeming a different universe. you giving me a present, turned out to be a raspberry beret like the prince song. a picnic rug on the grass, secluded, you reading ts eliot to me, naked in the sun, not an item of clothing between us except the raspberry beret. Orange juice, sandwiches, ts eliot and blowjobs. hot days, long nights. let us go then, you and i, when the evening is spread out against the sky...

So in my dream it was the same, except it was you and me now, you still looked in pretty good nick when i last saw you and that’s how you were in my dream, no complaints from this lady in that department, god, that’s still an exciting thought, actually i had to give myself some relief last night, something i’ve have to do more often recently. oh god, R, where does it go from here?

Well i don’t know when i’ll be in london, plans seem to have changed there. hopefully soon. maybe we can meet up, have a picnic in the cotswolds, i’ve still got the raspberry beret.

Love, J xxxx