Doing as suggested. Pondering, that’s the thing with marriage, its intensity fades, a necessary dynamic, being together for so many years has that slow effect, another day can’t have the excitement as when you’re more often apart. Today, the one day my wife comes home early, you’d have thought that she’d want to be intimate, refresh our sexual relations, absent now for months, or is that years? But no, just the steady domestic routine.
Working on the bicycle, still pondering. Marriage’s intensity fading, it’s inevitable, but it’s also just as well. Say my wife was like Carol, desperate for sex. That would be fun for a bit. But then what? Surely the fire would burn out. Or if not, it would start to hurt, to burn. Only so much heat a human can take.
So it fades. Leaving the humdrum workings of everyday life. Steady, health-giving, untraumatic. Suitable platform for other enterprise, such as work or bringing up children. My daughter, coming to stay with us this weekend, she’ll feel relaxed and secure, she’ll have the requisite mental space, unsullied by parental tension.
Spinning the bicycle wheel, hearing machinery’s satisfying song. Still pondering. Always gets back to the same thing. The steady domestic routine, necessary, sure, but also containing a crucial lack. No excitement. To be steady, domestic and routine, it can’t be sexual. And life without sexual excitement, is that really life?
Ask twenty people, you’d get twenty different answers. Some just prefer the unsexual. Well, good luck to them. Me, I need extra. And now with Carol I seem to have it.
Dammit, the thought of her, she zings my mind. Wonder when I’ll see her again.
