Lying back watching the light break through the windows, pondering. What’s Carol thinking? At the coffee shop she seemed cool, but with a sense of something more, maybe that’s reading too much into things, there’s nothing to pin down, but that’s what you’d expect, it’s early days, anything specific would be too strong.
The thought too exciting to lie still. Shifting on the bed. My wife beside me stirring, ten minutes or so and she’ll be awake and showering. Hormones still zinging through my loins.
Wonder what Carol would think if she knew my thoughts. Pleased to be fantasized about? Offended at being thought of in that way? Outraged at my presumption? Confirmed in some conviction that all men are sex beasts? Oh well, who knows, she can think what she’s going to think. What I think is, it’s a compliment, it’s meant lovingly.
No help now, though, lying on my bed in the dawn light. Don’t even know if I’ll see her again. If I do, we’re still miles away from any prospect of sexual togetherness, and that’s just fine, these early noncommittal moments have their own wondrous magic, they need their own time to work through their own dynamics, rush it and you lose something precious and unrecoverable.
But still, those hormones. Maybe I should ring Jenny, meet up, get her to work her magic.
Thinking, how would that affect things with Carol, the pureness and cleanness of her and me. Answer, grow up dammit, not at all, it’s a separate chamber in the mind. Carol’s got a husband anyway, I’ve got a wife, we’d better be able to maintain multiple chambers. If she’s seeing someone else as well, well, that’s her business, another chamber in her mind, not my concern. The only thing that matters, she thinks of me sometimes, and when she does there’s a warm glow, the rest is just periphery.
Getting up, using the bathroom before my wife wakes, forming a plan to ring Jenny.
