Hi R, yes, i remember that night in college, waking up with you attempting to devour me, it felt like i was being eaten whole by a slavering demon from the deep, too strong and actually quite unlike you, as a lover you were gentle, it was one of the things i loved. gentle but not effete, it’s a difficult balance for a man to find. that night was different, it hurt a bit, and it didn’t really feel like you, it was the monsters inside you that night.
And then, R, i had the real you back, not the rampant devourer, it was R the gentle lover, tending to my needs, finding how we fitted together on that exact day, not merely doing again the thing that worked last time. sex as discovery. or actually, i like the word you used in your email, playing. the same thing, really, discovery is playing, playing is discovery, i think.
That’s what i need so badly now, R, that sort of sexual playing. no prior agenda, no unnecessary artifice, no adherence to some tired script, worn out as in marriage from repetition and lack of imagination, or trying to do it too often or too regularly. just you and me in a room somewhere, you being you, undemanding, happy if sex takes a back seat for a while, happy too if it gets physical. oh well, i can dream.
Back here things are progressing a bit with my new man from auditing, we met up for dinner one night, he was very nervous, looking around all the time to check there was nobody who might recognize us, you’d have thought we were undercover operators on some clandestine mission. the good thing was, he could see the amusing side of it, it’s just he’s never previously thought of being unfaithful, he needs some time to get used to it. it didn’t lead anywhere that night, but i think something might happen soon.
There’s some chance the london trip is back on, so we might soon be able to play again together, R. i would truly love that. Jane xxx.
