Sexual Formation, Sexual Reformation

School holidays and my daughter staying for a week, an opportunity to spend some time together. Thoughts of happy families quickly dispelled, however, she quickly making clear the main attractions, namely, relaxation of the absent mother’s rules, the opportunity to hang out with friends, and shopping for clothes.

Oh well, teenage years. Can’t fight them, may as well roll with the punches, stay relaxed. After two days of an empty house, a change in tone, suddenly rooms filled with my daughter and her friends, silence no longer a possibility, chatter and music now my daily companions.

Taking a break, walking to the park, thinking. My daughter and her friends, all of them girls, snippets of their conversations filtering through, mostly about boys, who’s cute, who’s not. A consensus developing as to the cutest. Hearts beating faster at the prospect of going out with him.

Something anthropological here. The boy’s desirability driven not by how attractive the girl finds him, rather by what her friends think. Some sort of submission to communal wisdom.

Returning to the house. Oh good, silence. Not for long. My daughter and her friends piling back through the door. All of them smiling, friendly, chatting. Polite to me. Later, talking with my daughter, asking, why don’t you and your friends hang out at their houses, why here so much, the answer coming quickly, oh, they prefer it here, their parents just lecture them, you don’t, we like just being left alone.

Next day, more of the same. Clothes, hairstyles, shoes. Boys' clothes, hairstyles, shoes. More anthropology. Forget the inner boy, concentrate on the displays of wealth or its proxies. Then compete with your friends for the one with the most.

Thinking about Carol. I wonder if she was like that once. Maybe it’s how sexual preferences are formed. Part of it anyhow. Still, Carol seemed almost the opposite, showing no interest in my wealth or otherwise, in fact, she seemed uninterested in the trappings, as if relieved to be free of them, like a maturation, grown out of childish teenage ways.

Sexual formation, sexual reformation. Amazing how it never really settles. My daughter and her friends, they’re just starting out on a long mazy rock-strewn road.