Sexual Conundrums

That scratchy feeling again, the need for a woman’s touch, seems like it’s a two-week cycle, if it stretches out any longer then tetchiness creeps in. Best to deal with it, sixty pounds and half an hour with a sexual therapist, cheap and clean and better than all the alternatives.

Checking out the escort website last night, aha, Jenny’s back, that’s exciting. The information roiling in my head in the small hours, her physical spell revivified. Only a few minutes spent together, hardly any words exchanged, just a euphoric merging of skin and flesh and smells, and the imprint still sharp.

Maybe it’d be best to leave it at that, treasure it for the brief moment it was, don’t disturb its perfection by trying to extend it. Like returning somewhere for a holiday, finding disappointment second time round. Maybe. But her pull too irresistible, to hell with the mincing philosophications, time to see her again.

Waking this morning, reviewing the plan. My wife chatting over breakfast coffee, looking relaxed. The thought occurring, she’s looking better ever since I started going with escorts, I wonder if there’s a connection. Maybe the removal of some invisible pressure, the thought or mention of sex even on television seems to freeze her, make her construct barricades, find escape routes, now with me she doesn’t have to any more.

So what do I do about Jenny? Tell my wife? It’d be mental cruelty to her. Forego Jenny? It’d be mental cruelty to me.

My wife collecting her stuff, departing for work. A quick sexless peck, a smile, goodbye. Watching her through the window, walking to the station, a jaunty stride. The sight somehow precipitating some decisions. No, I’m not going to inflict harsh truths on her, stuff that she’d find sordid. Stuff that matters to her not at all other than that it must be quarantined elsewhere, like a disease. And yes, if that means living with a lie, so be it, the lie relates to a part of me that she’s not looking after and isn’t interested in.

So here I am, telephone poised. Jenny’s number, enter. Connect button, click.