An argument starting, she wants to meet some friends at the coffee shop, wants to go by herself, doesn’t want anyone to walk her there. The argument becoming heated, from her side, she doing all the talking. Eventually, stopping. A pause, clear anticipation of unreasonable fatherly response. Sure darling, of course you can walk there by yourself, you do a good job looking after yourself in other things, you’re big enough to do this, just make sure your phone’s turned on, make sure you’re back on time, or if you’re running late, phone me.
After her departure, the house silent. Thinking about Free Love. Two most complex and intractable concepts. Achieving freedom, it’s like creating a vacuum, stuff gets sucked in to gum it up. Love, it’s a mushy empty word, seeking to make generic and limitless that which can only be specific and particular. Free Love, a great slogan for a teeshirt, to be worn only by the innocent ignorant young.
Freedom and whatever-love-means, about to be tested. An email last night from Carol, hi R, I’ve just had a bit too much tequila, probably should just shut up, but this last week, firelight flickering and starry skies above, it would have been so good to have had you here to chat to, maybe you could have stroked my arm again, made me tingle, let’s meet up again, I’ll be back Wednesday, email me with a plan, I’ll email back as soon as I can pick it up, can’t always do that out in the sticks here, I’m pressing the Send button right now before I can change my mind and chicken out love Carol x.
A tingle thus entering my own life. Thinking, sometimes it’s best to play it cool, let some time pass, this isn’t one of them, she’s opened up to me, made herself vulnerable, I must repay the trust. Emailing her, hey lovely Carol, great to hear from you, firelight and starry skies, I’d love to be with you, why don’t you settle in when you get back and email me then, we’ll definitely do something, love R x.
