Soft Shiver

Pondering Carol’s question, what would her husband or my wife think, figuring out a response.

The tranquil scene disrupted, a young spaniel chasing a squirrel with wild enthusiasm, swerving to avoid our park bench, continuing its harebrained pursuit. The squirrel hurtling up a tree, the spaniel forgetting its canine limitations, trying to follow it, falling back, trying again, giving up cheerfully, trotting back to its owner. Impossible not to smile at the spring exuberance.

The little scene itself providing some sort of answer for Carol, forget about what might be going on in other people’s heads, instead, relish the thrill of being alive, like the spaniel. Still, the spaniel has an advantage, it’s unburdened by the clanking machinery of a human brain.

Carol looking at me, still smiling at the spaniel’s antics, speaking, well, that was what I wanted to ask you, R, now I’m here the answer seems obvious, who cares what they think, we’re just two people sitting on a park bench enjoying the view.

These sentiments corresponding so exactly with my own as to precipitate the impulse to hug her, chatter in enthusiastic agreement. But staying quiet. She’s like a small animal from a dark cave tiptoeing into the sunshine, feeling the warmth, relaxing, if I get noisy now it’ll send her scuttling back inside.

Still, impossible not to respond at all, I’m not trying to be her therapist, the trick is, keep it cool. Looking at her steadily in the eyes, hey Carol, I have an idea, I’ll tell you how I look at it, what works for me, then you can decide if it works for you. That okay? Carol looking at me intently, okay.

Stretching out my hand, reaching for hers. She offering it, trusting. Turning her palm upwards, stroking it. Looking down, stroking her wrist, the inside of her forearm, the hollows inside her elbow. A soft shiver running up her arm’s length. Her face flushing faintly,

Smiling at her, giving back her arm, well, Carol, that tells me the important thing I need to know, namely, whoever it is that’s responsible for looking after your physical needs, he’s not doing a very good job. Settling back into the park bench, looking for the spaniel again, watching it chasing another squirrel. My point made, now withdraw, give her some space.

Carol looking at me, oh God, R, is it that obvious, I didn’t realize I was broadcasting it, in fact, I’m not sure I was even aware of it. Sweeping her hair back, laughing, well, you’re going to have to let me think about that, wow, you touching my arm like that, I’m still tingling, I think I need some time to settle down.