An email from Jane, hi R, sounds exciting to be in your summer, i remember how much i used to look forward to it, it’s winter here in sydney so it’s good to get your emails, my little blasts of sunshine. chilled frizzante, picnic rug, unhooked bra, you with your hard-on making me wet, yes i remember, makes me feel young thinking about it.
still looking for a lover here, come on R, come over to australia for a couple of weeks, we can grope again. my mr auditor turned out to be unbearable, we went out for dinner again, i went up to his hotel room, landed out semi-naked with me sucking him but i could tell he was all stuck inside his own head feeling guilty about his wife, eventually i told him, if you’re going to have an affair you have to immerse yourself in it, set some boundaries, don’t be a wimp, this was on my way out the door.
since then of course he wants to give it a second go, thinks he’s in love with me, but now i’ve fallen out of love with him, i think it was only an adventure in my own head, my idea of him, maybe just my need for a lover, rather than him as a person. so i guess i was guilty of doing what i accused him of, not being in the moment. oh well, you can’t fake the ache, i’m simply not interested in him now, nothing more to be said.
which leaves be back at square one, stuck in a loveless marriage. maybe not square one any more, actually, at least now i’ve accepted it, also reconciled myself to the thought that i don’t want to go through the upheaval of separation, put the children through it, i’d rather look for a lover. that’s another problem with mr auditor, i can just tell that if we became bedpartners he’d arrive one day saying he’d left his wife, can’t manage a dual life, what a baby. then he’d expect me to follow suit, turn nasty if i didn’t.
now the problem is finding a mr suitable. handsome, athletic, intelligent, interesting. hard to find. except on dating sites, of course, where all men claim to be all of those things. oh well, mustn’t grumble, think i’ll just lie back and think about frizzante and picnics and my darling R. email soon, you sexy thing. Jxxx.