Such Delectable Options

Arriving at the appointed street, phoning for final directions, making my way as instructed. Climbing some communal stairs, walking along a brick balcony, checking the door numbers. Quickly finding the right one, old white numbers screwed to a blue wooden door, paint just starting to crack and peel.

Enjoying the moment. In a second or two I’ll knock, the door will open, a woman will be there, probably in underwear. The sense of being drawn into a vacuum, a new reality unencumbered by familiarity, the woman transforming from photos on an escort profile to physical dimension and motion and facial expression and surrounding milieu.

A moment made more exciting by the possibility of disappointment. Maybe she’s someone who I just don’t find attractive in the flesh, maybe she can’t communicate outside her native tongue, knowing no English. Maybe she just doesn’t find me attractive either, maybe she retreats behind her defenses, goes through the motions, compliant but only for the money. Maybe, maybe. That’s the thrill.

Maybe I should have played safe, gone to Jenny, removed the possibility of disappointment. For some reason, deciding earlier not to, succumbing to the delicious draw of new womanly flesh. Now, half regretting my earlier decision, feeling a twinge of longing, standing there outside another woman’s apartment, thinking about Jenny’s comfortable body, certain of her knowledge of mine.

Thinking, it’s not too late, I could walk away, ring the new woman, make excuses, ring Jenny, call on her. Staring at the blue door, splatters of rain hitting the balcony’s brick balustrade. Knowing well that I won’t walk away, but savoring the fact of having such delectable options. One door about to open, another door far away to stay closed.

Checking the time, I’m still a couple of minutes early. Leaning on the brick, checking out traffic on the street below, shoppers carrying bags, a bus stopping, people getting on, people getting off. The steady pulse of urban life. Of which I am part, as is the new woman I’ll be seeing. As is the transaction we’ll engage in, its absolute normality somehow soothing.

Okay, time, let’s go. Straightening my clothes, smoothing my hair, reaching out my hand, rapping on the blue door.